Month: March 2019

 

My husband and I married 5 years ago after being divorced from our previous spouses for about 10 years each. We blended our families with 3 children between the two of us. Now being a family of five, my children and I moved into my husband’s house because it was the house with enough room for our small “tribe” (as we lovingly call our family).  My husband, being the gracious man that he is, told me that I could change whatever in the house that I wanted to so that it would feel like home to me. He previously (a decade ago….) had his house professionally decorated and there was a lot of stuff and a lot of colors! I didn’t know where to begin or what color or colors to keep and which ones to ditch. I was overwhelmed! I wanted to make it look nice but also to reflect my tastes as well.

So off I go to the home stores and decide that I will look for some new lamps. That’s an easy enough place to start (at least that’s what I thought). So I confidently go to the lamp isle and begin to look for the perfect lamps, the perfect addition to our home. But then the thoughts start circling in my head, “Will that go with the rest of the decor?,  I like that one, but I really need two and I don’t see another one like it, Is that big enough?, Is it too big?, Which metal is in style now?, What if I decide to change something else in the room? Will this still go with the new decor?”.  And on and on the thoughts race through my head until I walk out of the store empty handed and feeling defeated. “What is wrong with me? I can’t even pick out a couple of lamps!” Then that, of course, leads to negative self-talk about how inadequate and what a failure that I am. I was paralyzed by perfection!

This paralysis would show itself in other areas of my life as well. For years, I felt God was leading me to do more, maybe lead a bible study or start some sort of women’s group. But as I would try to take the first steps into making those things become a reality, Satan would remind me of all of the times that I had failed, where I had fallen short. He would say things to me like “With your track record, you are not worthy of teaching others about God” or “If people knew who you really were, they would never listen to a thing that you have to say”. Guess what? I listened to him!! I believed him. I chose to believe him over the truth of what God says about me. God says that I am chosen (John 15::16), loved (John 3:16),  accepted (Romans 5:8), forgiven (1 John 1:9), and that I am a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17) . When God spoke this into my heart, I made a decision. I decided to trust what my heavenly Father says about me over what the father of deceit says about me.  This was not a “one and done” process but a daily renewing of my mind. Each day I continue to remind myself of these truths.

Through this daily renewing of my mind, God has led me to step up and begin to lead little by little over the last few years in different ways. Do I still feel inadequate? Of course I do! But….God is MORE than adequate to accomplish what He wants to THROUGH me. My response to Him as He nudged me forward was to just surrender, surrender to Him and offer Him my life. This life that He chose to create for a purpose. I told him on my birthday of this year that I did not want my life to be in vain and that I wanted to fulfill the purpose for which He created me. I will continue to offer myself up to Him and walk into my purpose of being on this earth all for His glory! I am choosing today and every day not to allow Satan to paralyze me with perfection any longer. I don’t have to be perfect, I just have to be willing to be used by my Creator.

John 15:16

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.

John 3:16

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

Romans 5:8

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

2 Corinthians 5:17